| | This Happens All The Time...
Well it been a rather....exciting....week I guess. Sunday I woke up
with this stabbing pain in my left side. Which I had had happen before
usually I would puke and feel fine, but I puked 4 times and still was
in growing pain, so I called my mom to come get me to take me to Good
Sam. Turned out I had a kidney stone in my left kindey. I probably had
it for quite sometime because according to the doctors it was a huge
(hence the prior spells of throwing up and pain). However, now it was
too big to pass on it's own. So they put me under a 23 hour observation
just to see if maybe I could pass it. .Mind you my mother has to have
some sort of female surgery the next monday. Well they decide on monday
they're going to have to do a procedure on me, they called it a surgery
but I dont count it because they didnt have to cut me. They did take me
in the OR and stick something up through there (yeah...painful..) and
push the stone back into the kidney and put a stint in there to hold it
open wider so it wouldnt block my kidney and shut it down. Now they
shoved it back in there so they could do lithotripsy
on it. So yesterday I went for the lithotripsy and HOPEFULLY that will
take care of it I'll know more next week when I go for the follow up
visit.
I got to spend a lot of time by myself in the hospital...a little too
much. I understood my mom and grandma were there sunday but monday my
mom had her surgery and my sister and travis came to see me for a while
and Misty did too but I still got a lot of time alone which was ok, I
mean I understood I know my family wanted to be there with me. It just
made me think a lot, I just HATE being alone it's really just my
weakness I guess. It's just such a hollow feeling, wishing someone was
there, and wanted to be there right by your side, and then coming here
by myself and to wake up to an empty apartment...ugh it's just so
depressing to me. I guess it's just a lot of missing Taylor still and
stuff, I didnt get to see him while I was in there either, and I dont
get to see him till Sunday because I dont think I'll feel up to
watching him by myself until then. I guess that's just what's so
uneasing now it's everything I do now is alone. I mean I have a
girlfriend, and she's there and she 'sgreat but she's not here all the
time, which I mean it just cant be like that right now she's there and
I'm here, but you know, that's just....not what i'm used to I guess. I
hate coming home by
myself, and I mean you have friends and I have great friends but it's
not the same as having that someone there all the time.
I dunno, I guess that's probably part of the reason I keep such a busy
schedule I dont think I could handle being here as much as I have been
while I've been sick, alone I just dont think I could take it. I guess
it's just the whole thing about wanting someone to want you, to need
you, I want someone to want to be there all the time to hate being away
from me like I do them, for them to make the effort and come see me
because they cant stand being away from me. My girlfriend is good about
that well at least about making me know that she hates being away from
me, an wants to be with me. Being here is a different story but it's
understandable. I dont know I guess I'm just trying to express all
that's been boiling up in me over the past few days. I dont know if it
makes too much sense but I feel a little better. Until I'm Inspired
Again..
I'll Be Fine. .
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| | Posted 8/26/2005 11:28 PM - 2 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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